Dear Santa… A Letter to You From a Mom

Dear Santa,

Merry Christmas! I hope this letter finds you well and that you are doing your best to relax. I know you’re about to kick things into high gear so a nice little kick back with a few cold ones doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe some Fireball for a little festive cheer?

Anyway, I know this letter is late and I do hope it reaches you in time. This season, I just haven’t been able to figure out what I want. Do I ask for a brand new crisp white G-Wagon magically paid off or something more practical, like a semi-clean house filled with toilet paper and toothpaste because hell if I know what my kids are actually doing with them. I was at a loss, so I compiled a list of practical things that could really improve my life or at the very least keep me drunk enough to make it til next Christmas completely unfazed by the mass amounts of toilet paper disappearing from once fully stocked shelves. Either is cool with me but we won’t pretend I’m not voting for the latter. Cheers Santa!

  1. A Maid. Not your typical house cleaner, I already have one of those. No, I need this maid to make lunches, and clean up after dinner. Can she also make the dinner? So basically, can you just get my husband a more efficient wife? But strictly for household chores only. I’ll handle the hot and sweaty department, thanks.
  2. I am not really supposed to drink alcohol but Peach Schnapps has a like a 4 percent alcohol volume, so we can all agree that that doesn’t really count. So if you could please supply me with at least…. a life time supply, that would be FABULOUS. And some cute cups to drink it out of.
  3. Is a House Elf asking for too much??
  4. This next one is practical… but oh so necessary. SOCKS! Listen, they don’t even have to match. I just need lots and lots of socks. And while we are on the subject, can you please have my husband match the ever growing sock pile on his dresser? It’s a small thing really, but it could make the difference between him making it to 2018…or not.
  5. A mini fridge…. It’s really a lot for me to go downstairs every single time I hear the fridge calling. Soo, if there was one in my room, everyone would be happy. That fridge is needy as needy gets and sometimes calls me 2 and 3 times a night. So technically, this request isn’t even for me. Selfless.
  6. Is it vain to ask for a slimmer waist? It doesn’t have to be completely snatched, but a little mini snatch would be much appreciated.
  7. A full tank of gas all the time. I just never pay much attention to that bright orange light constantly telling me that my fuel is low and consequently, I’m always involved in a perpetual game of “race to the pump before your ass is stranded” and so as you can see, an always full tank only makes sense.
  8. And the last one…Can we please get a cold Christmas? You see, I live in the south where the weather shifts like a pre-menopausal woman or even worse, like a man that can’t find his Xbox controller. Last week, it was snowing and this week its 68 degrees so it would appear that one of your little weather elves got their wires crossed. It’s cool, we all make mistakes but if you could please have him or her get it together, I’d be a happy gal this Christmas.

So that’s it for me Santa! There’s my list. I have every faith that you will pull it together for me this year. And as a thank you, I’ll add a little Fireball to the milk this year…and one extra cookie.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Christmas photo of the word Joy
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7 COMMENTS

  1. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad | 18th Dec 17

    Ha ha! I’m sure Santa is laughing out loud and thinking this is the best list he’s ever gotten.

    • rudymariee | 19th Dec 17

      Lol! I literally laughed the entire time I was writing it. Thanks for reading! 🌸

  2. 3C Style | 18th Dec 17

    Funny. Number 1 and 7 seem perfect for me as well. LOL I hope you’ll get everything from your list! Merry Christmas and Happy new year. -Dominique xoxo

    • rudymariee | 19th Dec 17

      😁 Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!! Thanks for reading. 🌸

  3. floweringink | 19th Dec 17

    I love this!!! It is funny and smart and engaging! I love the little cups to go with the schnapps, cause cute little cups make everything more festive. I hope you have a lovely, cold Christmas!!!!

  4. sharonchyy | 22nd Dec 17

    😃😃🤣🤣🤣 “7” 👌Interesting ❤️🙌✌️

  5. Roshonda N. Blackmon | 3rd Jan 18

    I need to mimic this list for next year for myself….I’m late but hopefully Santa fulfilled some items on your list…lol. Hope your holiday was blessed!

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