There’s No Such Thing as a Food Addiction….

There’s no such thing as food addiction…. oh right, that’s why I’m hiding upstairs trying to ignore the very tantalizing slice of leftover birthday cake in the fridge. Why are people always so quick to discount things they don’t understand? I didn’t always struggle with food; don’t get me wrong, I have always l o v e d food. It wasn’t until, ironically enough, I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue and gained an ass load of weight that my real food problems began. I was literally killing myself in the gym, eating healthy and pounding back gallons of water. Initially, I lost 45 pounds and then one day, I stopped losing and instead started gaining. A very long story later, I was told that I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis which basically means that my thyroid is an asshole and wants to ruin my life. After all that work, I had my first ever struggle with depression. I just started eating, with the mindset that if I was going to be fat anyway, then why shouldn’t I indulge? And indulge I did. I ate whatever, whenever. My husband worked a million hours and after a tiring day with the kids, all I wanted to do was lay in bed with cheesesteak. When I was sad, I ate. Mad, I ate. I would lay in bed with boxes of Chinese food and a literal 2 liter of soda…. mountain dew to be specific. It was terrible and I felt awful. ALL THE TIME. The thing about a thyroid disorder is that you feel tired and blah a lot of the time; add terrible eating habits on top of that and then it’s like what’s the point of even getting out of bed? I think the worst thing is that when you fill your body up with simple carbs and sugars, you crave them more and more. It doesn’t matter how crappy you feel, it’s like you NEED those carbs and you’ll practically die without a hit of McDonalds sweet tea. That was my life. I have never talked about this to anyone except my husband and it has always been a little shadow of shame following me around. Sneaking around downstairs at 3am eating TWO peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…. how did I let myself get to that place?

To be honest, it was easy. It was far easier to delve into the fridge for the next even remotely appetizing meal than it was not to do it. People always make weight loss or simply living a healthier lifestyle seem as simple as just doing it. No. It’s not. Maybe for some people it is, but for someone with a true food addiction, it takes much, much more than “just doing it.” My vice is carbs. I’m not much of a sweets person; I much prefer gravy laden mashed potatoes or a bowl full of pasta drenched in alfredo sauce. Yep. That’s me. For the last year or so, I’ve been battling with myself. I am too old and too valuable to my family to lay around face down in an extra cheese pizza. It took many mirror talks with myself, buckets of tears and A LOT of falling off the wagon to regain control of my eating. Even now, I still don’t feel like I’m “cured.” When I have a shitty day, I still gravitate towards the fridge or open up my GrubHub app. BUT, I am finally at the point where I am conscious of it and as a result, I make better choices. Over the last few months I have managed to lose 32 pounds by carb cycling. It has been a struggle but it is the FIRST time in over 8 years that the weight has actually dropped and I haven’t had to kill myself to make it happen. I basically cycle between eating very low carb and moderate carbs over a period of days. I cut sugar and drink enough water to keep me in the bathroom 23 real hours of the day and night. I knew I had had a breakthrough when we went to a steakhouse and they set a steaming hot loaf of bread and butter in front of me, and I didn’t touch a single piece of it. How’s that for victory?

quote that says, "stop trying to fill the emptiness inside you with food."

So the next time you hear a judgmental remark from an uninformed but self-professed expert, ignore them and keep it moving. Until they have hidden take out containers or stuffed three slices of pizza in their mouths after a bad day at work, they simply won’t understand. The thing to remember is that you are not alone. The struggle is really real for a lot of people and at the end of the day, the “cure” is to put yourself first. Love yourself enough to take control of your life and realize that that food does not love you back. It might comfort you in the moment, it might provide a distraction from something difficult, but think about how you feel afterwards…. When the food is gone, what then? When you’re lying in bed with a gurgling stomach and an ever expanding waistline, what’s the next move? There came a point when I just got tired of feeling like crap, I got tired of feeling tied to my eating habits. I found something else besides food that gives me comfort; after a long day I take a hot bath and read a new book. The kids stressing me out? I throw on their jackets and sneakers and we all hit the pavement. Choices. It’s all about making positive choices and I promise you it will change you. This probably sounds hella cheesy, but I feel liberated. I can fit into pants I haven’t fit into in years, I can see my waistline and if I say so myself, my booty is looking niiiiice. 😉

I hope this post encourages someone. I know that this will probably be a life long struggle, but I feel like I’m finally on the right side. Almost every day I say to myself, “If, my daddy can put down a crack pipe, then I can put down the bread.” And you know what? That’s real.

 

Until next time, keep smiling.

 

*you guys know that I never, ever ask you to share my content; but please share this one! I want this to reach as many people as possible and inspire as many people as I can. It always helps to know that you are not alone. Thank You!*

 

 

 

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17 COMMENTS

  1. floweringink | 28th Nov 17

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Food addiction is something that can come with so much shame and is often kept secret, and I think your sharing your experience will help so many of us. I have struggled with food addiction my whole life and felt so much shame, but your story is honest and really empowering. You are super awesome!!!

    • rudymariee | 28th Nov 17

      It really does come with a lot of shame; too many people are like, “how can you be addicted to food?” When the truth is that it’s such a real problem. I wish you luck with your journey and thanks you SO much for reading!!

  2. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad | 28th Nov 17

    Great post! I have struggled with my weight all my life, too. My extra, unwanted 20 pounds come on and off on a regular basis throughout the years. When I’m in a good place in my head and have lost the weight, I swear I’ll never gain it again. Then I do. At this point, I’m trying to take off the 14 pounds I’ve put on over this past year. And you’re so right–emotional eating is not the answer! Although…easier said than done. 🙂

  3. Liz | 28th Nov 17

    Thank you for sharing this! I lost 40 lbs in college, plateaued, and now the weight I lost is slowly starting to trickle back onto my body, and I think it’s due to stress eating. I read somewhere that ignoring your cravings isn’t the answer because they’ll find you again and again, you’ll cave, and the problem will only get worse; instead, think of your stress cravings or your desire to binge like a wave, knowing that eventually it will crash and dissipate, but you have to accept it and ride it out with “healthier” options (e.g., drinking water, going for a walk, starting a hobby, reading a book). Great post!

    • rudymariee | 28th Nov 17

      Stress eating can be so hard to overcome! It’s almost as if you start eating on autopilot and don’t even take the time to even process what you’re putting in your mouth. Cravings really, really are the devil and can be so hard to handle. But as you said, you just brace yourself for the storm and ride it out! Thanks for reading!

      • Liz | 28th Nov 17

        Thanks for posting! 😊

  4. Roshonda N. Blackmon | 28th Nov 17

    This is such a great post rudymariee and I am sooooooo proud of you for being very transparent in sharing your story I believe it resonates with so many women, I know it does with me, while my issue isn’t’ a thyroid problem – but a pre-diabetes problem ( I love sweets and my mom was a diabetic in which was brought on by a weight issue) I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my son. Like you, it was hard for me to hit the ground running on the exercise road, I knew that I didn’t want to continue gaining weight, less known become a diabetic but I just couldn’t leave the sweets alone, nor the bad eating habits. I’m so proud of you for the weight you’ve lost and I have my pom poms for your road ahead because I know you CAN DO IT!!!! (P.S. I will also be sharing this on my blog, may be later today or the evening of 12/1/17)

    • rudymariee | 28th Nov 17

      I definitely understand! Pre-diabetes can be so difficult and I know it is hard to navigate! Thank you so much and we ALL got this!!

      • Roshonda N. Blackmon | 28th Nov 17

        Yes we do. Your post will post on my blog on Friday at 1pm. Again, thanks for sharing your story, it really motivated me to keep doing what I’m doing in adopting a healthier lifestyle.

  5. Dansingnancy | 30th Nov 17

    I’m stress eating while
    Working out / the struggle
    Is so real! People dont realize you can be addicted to food. (As I have a half eaten Black Forest cake and Chinese food calling me from My fridge right now at 0745! Keep up the great work!

    • rudymariee | 30th Nov 17

      Thank you! The struggle is out there but we can beat it. 🌸

  6. Christopher Bland | 1st Dec 17

    Your beautiful before and after! Ya… I said it… 😆✌

  7. Understand546 | 1st Dec 17

    This was beautiful! I’m proud that you are ale to control your life. I understand where you are coming from. Food is a powerful addiction. It’s like the things that are not good for us always come with a powerful addiction like, unhealthy foo,d hardcore rap, unprotected sex, cutting class. I’m glad that you are making progress and

  8. 3C Style | 7th Dec 17

    Your story is very touching Rudy Mariee. I could feel you in every words you wrote and I am happy you are feeling better. You do look fabulous and wish you feel like that too. Thanks for sharing. You,re a great example to others. Sending you ggo vibes. I have share your post on my Facebook page. Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/dominique.nancy1

    • rudymariee | 8th Dec 17

      Thank you soooo much! It’s been a crazy crazy journey and even crazier with the holidays being here, but this is the first year that I’ve felt like I could take a break, eat some goodies for the holidays and then jump back on track. Thanks a million for the share and I will definitely check out your page. ☺️

      • 3C Style | 8th Dec 17

        Take care of yourself Rudy. Enjoy the holidays with your family. Sending you good vibes. You are always welcome to my space whenever you feel like visiting. No pressure. Never, never. 😊

  9. K E Garland | 13th Dec 17

    People are nutz. You can pretty much be addicted to anything, because you can do anything in excess. I’m soooo glad you gained a bit of control over your life in this way. This post is an inspiration <3

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