Unsettled and Abroad…Let’s go Across the Pond.

I am not a southerner. This is not a new revelation; I’ve known it since I was 8 years old. Lately I have been struggling with continuing to live here in the south. When my husband got out of the military, we were literally so excited to move to Raleigh. Our families are here, we are familiar with the area, the schools are great and the homes come stacked with stainless steel and large yards. Hooray! Insert plot twist. I just don’t know if this is where I want to spend the rest of my adult life. I’m not vibing here the way I envisioned and honestly, it’s stressing me out. All we ever talked about the entire two years we were in South Carolina sweating our backsides off was moving back “home.” There are aspects of living here that are wonderful; for the first time since we became parents we have a litany of help with the kids. We both get to see our parents whenever we want and I live six seconds from my sister which is quite literally, e v e r y t h i n g. But I still don’t feel at home. I still feel like I’m in cruise control mode. I am approaching 30 and I feel like I want to finally live somewhere that feels like me, somewhere that I can vibe with. I want the kids to experience a diverse community. Here, it’s pretty much black and white. The better schools are almost exclusively white. The more desirable neighborhoods wouldn’t know how to spell diverse if it was branded on every street sign. Racial tensions here are high and not all that subtle if I’m being honest. A friend of mines mother found a KKK flyer on her doorstep inviting her to join the white knights. Heavy sigh and a deep eye roll.

A few months ago, my husband and I were in deep talks about relocating to Brooklyn. I desperately want to live in a city. I want to leave out of my home and have my hit feet the pavement and never have to get in car. I wanna pop into a corner store or stumble upon a street festival. I wanna ride the subway and roam around the city. I want our children to see people of all colors, all backgrounds. I want them to develop distinctive accents. Sorry, but there’s nothing like a BK accent. We searched high and low, we looked at prices, we looked at our finances and threw around some numbers. Was 12 inches of living space worth it for the experience? In the end, Will couldn’t find a single job in his field and those that were available would have called for an undoable commute. I closed the door on my Brooklyn dreams…and it wasn’t an easy door to close. To me, there is no better place to raise a child. The independence and life skills they acquire are unparalleled. Even Will, who is content to live on 100 acres of greenery in the middle of no man’s land with only bears for company, agreed that the kids would benefit. But 2400 for rent? Why? Sigh. Our lifestyle would be drastically diminished and who wants that?

Lately, we have been discussing moving abroad. To London specifically. To our delight, there are jobs for him there. Aside from the experience of living abroad, the travel opportunities are amazing. Two hours to Italy? A train ride to Paris? Sign me up! And I am one of those weirdos that love rainy days and I have never minded cold weather. The logistics of moving abroad sound extremely difficult though. At the moment, the plan is in an infancy stage, but we have already begun proactively working on things like visas and researching absolutely everything available to us. Nothing is definite but I will say that if we can make it happen, we definitely will. I think the experience for the kids would be beyond incredible…. and maybe I will catch a glimpse of Sam Smith at a local pub. If you haven’t heard, he IS my Beyonce.

Have any of you moved abroad? Any tips? Warnings? Love it? Hate it? Think I’m nuts? Let me know!

 

Until next time, keep smiling.

 

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20 COMMENTS

  1. 3C Style | 8th Nov 17

    London sounds great to me too. But have you ever consider Quebec? It’s cold in winter but you do not seem to mind too much and the sky is bright blue all year long. People are friendly, good schools, cultural diversity, especially in Montreal… Just wanted to share this with you. Very nice reading you BTW. -Dominique

    • rudymariee | 9th Nov 17

      I definitely don’t mind cold weather! I have never really looked too much into Quebec but after reading your comment, I looked it up and it looks beautiful. You’ve put some new ideas on my radar. Thank you for your comment!

      • 3C Style | 9th Nov 17

        If I ever do a post about Montreal (I should really), I’ll make sure to send you a link. It was really nice reading you.

  2. Roshonda N. Blackmon | 8th Nov 17

    I’ve never moved abroad but if I had to live somewhere, it would definitely be PARIS! (you should see my house..lol, it’s like I already live there…lol). I can relate to what you’re saying in the since of “Not wanting to reside somewhere for the rest of your life” funny, because I had that same thought last year; I live in Greenville, NC so it’s not that far from Raleigh but I have had thoughts of moving to Charlotte – it’s a place in which I’ve always wanted to live (ever since it was named in Essence Mag as one of the best cities to live in, back in 99 I believe…lol) I visited once and if the thought didn’t have me captivated; visiting just boosted it all for me. I think you’re very brave for wanting to do something different, especially when it comes to moving which can be a little hard; when you have close family by. I know my answer wasn’t much help but you all are in my prayers because I know decisions of this nature are not ever easy to make. I also wish you both the best, no matter what you decide to do – you’re young, explore away!!!

    • rudymariee | 9th Nov 17

      I have always wanted to visit Paris and I hope to do so soon. I get what you mean about Charlotte; we spent our anniversary there two years ago and I loved it. The city is gorgeous and I love traveling there for the Ikea! We definitely want to take advantage of our youth and experience all we can as a family. I really want to expose the kids to all kinds of experiences…..I do worry about being so far from our families. We have lots of decision making to do….thanks for the well wishes!

      • Roshonda N. Blackmon | 9th Nov 17

        Yes, I believe one day Charlotte will be my home = ) Yes, I know – as stated, I’m praying for you all. xoxo

  3. brokenradius | 8th Nov 17

    we moved to the Netherlands (Groningen) and the UK (London) for 5 years (in the mid 90s). This became an unforgetable time of our life. Living abroad (even it turns out not to be always the easiest option) definitely widens your horizon. You experience another culture and another mentality, something you will never experience as a tourist. I can only recommend to move abroad (at least for some time).
    The trouble might be if you go with your kids (we went abroad before our son was born). WIth little children or teenager it can be stressful for them. I know several friends families (many colleagues from other countries) who always talk about their kids complaining that they miss their friends. For kids it can be painful experience to suddenly move abroad (when they could have a problem with the language) or when they are branded as aliens (kids can be very cruel against foreign kids, much worse than adults).
    michael

    • rudymariee | 9th Nov 17

      Moving the kids has been my biggest concern…being a military family, they have already been bounced around a lot. They seem to adjust well, but they are a little older now and we worry about how they will mix in with other kids. You are so right: kids can be so cruel. Mine are 5 and 7 and I think I feel less anxious about moving them at this age than if they were older and had more “established” friend circles. I appreciate your comments, it gave me a lot to think about!!

  4. brokenradius | 8th Nov 17

    PS: London is fantastic and very multi-cultural (at least it was before the Brexit). French society can be slightly xenophobic unless one speaks the language very very well. Italy is great. I never lived there, but from several visit I always found the people extremely friendly, warm-hearted, and the country so beautiful.

  5. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad | 8th Nov 17

    I can’t speak about living abroad, but my millennial daughter lived in Brooklyn for a while. It IS what you described in your post. An area called Bushwick is up and coming but not “there” yet–so if you do decide to revisit the possibility of living in Brooklyn you could check out that neighborhood–it’s a little less expensive. I find some aspects of job hunting are total luck and timing. So if you haven’t already moved abroad, I wouldn’t slam the Brooklyn door. You never know.

    • rudymariee | 9th Nov 17

      Oh yes, I am familiar with Bushwick! I miss Brooklyn like a constant heartache. Thank you so much for your comment, it inspired me to start looking in the area again.

  6. floweringink | 9th Nov 17

    DO IT!!!!!!! My husband grew up in London and I would go there in a minute if it were possible for us. There is so much we don’t do in life because we are afraid or over analyze. I also think it would be an amazing opportunity for your kids. Just my two cents…….

    • rudymariee | 9th Nov 17

      I get what you mean about over analyzing….my husband is the king of that. And he does it silently…or so he thinks. I’m the complete opposite and do things so impulsively. I’m really trying to think this one through, but I feel like even if we hate it, it’s still an experience worth having!!

      • floweringink | 10th Nov 17

        That’s me and my husband as well. I totally agree with you that it’s an experience worth having. It would be such an adventure for all of you. I know wherever you guys decide to live, it will be the right place because you are all together; I know that sounds cheesy, but I believe it!

  7. rudymariee | 11th Nov 17

    Oh you’re going back! I never did like it there. We literally both think of it as five years of torture lol. But a lot of people around us liked it. Some friends of ours just left Okinawa and they LOVED it there. They said it was an amazing place for the kids and it was so safe and comfortable. They were very sad to have to leave. And yes, after 20 years it’s high time for you to get your career started however you’d like to. Hopefully he will warm to the idea. It’s an amazing opportunity!!!

  8. tamaranycc | 12th Nov 17

    I loved the honesty in your post. I feel like turning 20, 30 and 40 are milestones and we tend to ponder and think a bit more about our lives and where we want to be. That’s something to keep in mind. You are going through a transition and sorting out the next move is natural. i live in Brooklyn and have a love/hate relationship with my city. The things I love about it can be the things I hate at times. You can’t park your car anywhere, the busy of the city is nice but constantly serves as an inconvenience, the schools are segregated as well (good thing to keep in mind because you have children) but the diversity never gets old and you never get tired of it. There is so much to see and explore.

    • rudymariee | 12th Nov 17

      Thank you! I agree, when we hit these milestones, we definitely tend to think a little bit deeper about our lives and what we want from it. I’m keen to experience out of the box things with my family. I miss brooklyn so much and would LOVE to experience it with the kids but gentrification and housing cost are some big deterrents. Sigh. It’s hard making adult decisions sometimes! Thanks so much for your comment!! 🌸

  9. K E Garland | 16th Nov 17

    Oh my! Good luck as you determine what’s best for you and yours. I’ve only visited overseas, but I do think living there might be beneficial, especially if it’s Paris 😉

  10. Liz | 20th Nov 17

    I’ve never moved anywhere, but I’ve been to London and it’s bustling, rainy, and magical! Lately, I’ve been thinking about that trip and as much as I’d love to go there again, my bank account would appreciate it if I didn’t.

    Also, I nominated you for some blog awards! If you have time to post your nomination(s), let me know so I can read it. You can check out my nomination here: https://dearblogloveliz.wordpress.com/2017/11/20/versatile-bloger-award-and-blogger-recognition-award-2/. 😊

    • rudymariee | 22nd Nov 17

      Oh wow I really appreciate it! Thank you!!

      I would love to be able to travel more; that’s part of the lure of moving to London. Traveling Europe at my leisure would be a dream come true!!

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