Why You Should Wait to Have Kids….

The other day I was talking complaining to someone about how badly we wanted to travel for my birthday; but with the kids being in school/sports and blah blah blah that was fifty shades of impossible. So the person says, “aw man! No travel for your big day?! Probably that’s why people wait so long to have kids nowadays; I guess sometimes you wish you had waited! *ha ha*”

Me: 😑 um, no. This is just one phase of our lives.

I mean I get that this person thought they were making a good natured joke, okay. But it annoyed me because it’s not the first (or even the 50th) time that someone has insinuated that we should have waited to have kids…. or even waited to be married. It’s no secret that we got married young and subsequently had kids young. But hey! Guess what! No one forced that on us. Young we were, but capable of making those decisions, we also were. Kind of. I mean when you’re 21, you think you can rule the world. Possibilities are endless and finally becoming the boss of your own life is exhilarating. It’s more than that, at least it was for me. I was high off of the “power” and it felt amazing. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to run away and get married. I wanted to get as far away from home as possible and live a fantasy with the man of my dreams. And when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. No hesitation, no qualms. I was IN LOVE. It’s been 9 years, and while it certainly has been the farthest thing from a fantasy (more like a twisted horror movie with the occasional odd comedic interjection) we have never once wished we had waited to have the kids. We often marvel at how we will still be so young when our kids are adults. We are looking forward to enjoying our grandchildren sans knee replacements and hearing aids. No shade to those that waited to have kids and will indeed be on social security when their grandkids arrive, that was just not our journey. Few things in life pan out the way we want and I can honestly say that getting married and having the children when I did are some of the few things that have actually happened in my favor. Everything else has literally been a mass of contradictory zig zagging lines with absolutely no roadmap.

Getting married and having children are such personal, individual decisions. People have so many valid reasons for waiting to start a family or even not starting them at all. There is no handbook. There is no prize at the end for “getting it right.” Hell, there’s not even a prize for managing to survive through your decisions. Why must people always foist their beliefs and opinions on others? Why are people so incredibly vocal with their opinions?! For example, people have been in our ears left and right about buying a house….every time I turn around some new well meaning person is trying to convince us to be homeowners. LISTEN, we aren’t even 30 years old yet and frankly, I rather enjoy calling someone else to handle it when one of these newfangled appliances start malfunctioning or when lighting strikes the tree next to our house and it smashes through the siding, guess what? It’s not coming out of our pocket book. Taking on a mortgage is a huge financial responsibility and it’s not one that we are quite ready for. It’s like people that have taken even a tiny interest in your life can’t stand to sit by and watch you live it in a way that doesn’t suit some invisible standard that they themselves haven’t even met yet. And the irony of it all is completely lost on them.

So, yes, I am a touch disappointed that we won’t be able to travel to Greece/Spain/Italy or wherever for my birthday. I would love to wake up on my 30th birthday bathed in Grecian sunlight secluded in a private villa. YES THE HELL I WOULD. But not this year. And maybe not next year. It’s not the end of the world and there are several more travel filled days headed my way. I see a lot of my friends traveling the world and living their best lives and I love it! But every time I see a new Facebook photo of the newly engaged couple smiling for the selfie stick atop of some coveted mountain destination, I smile smugly and think, “They still have to make it through the diaper stage.”

 

My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. 

Not. Your. Business.

 *found on Picturequotes.com

 

Until next time, keep smiling.

 

 

 

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11 COMMENTS

  1. rspires811 | 24th Sep 17

    There is no right time to have a baby. Just as long as you are happy with the decision you make, that is all that matters.

    • rudymariee | 24th Sep 17

      Exactly! Thanks for reading! ✨

  2. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad | 24th Sep 17

    I love this post. Though I’ve had lots of fun experiences in life so far, the best thing that has ever happened to me and my husband is our children. There is nothing greater. We had them in our thirties, and you’re right, I might be a little creaky if and when I ever have grandchildren. Here’s to young grandparents!

    • rudymariee | 24th Sep 17

      Thank you! It’s all about doing what’s best for you! My in-laws are about 10 years older than my parents and they each had their own reasons for starting families when they did. It’s such a super personal decision. Thanks so much for reading !

  3. NeShama Bonneau | 25th Sep 17

    Such true words! We got married and started our family at 19/20. It definitely wasn’t sunshine and rainbows but we will have an empty nest in our 40s!

    • rudymariee | 25th Sep 17

      Yes! I’m looking forward to that! Will refers to it as our coming second honey moon stage. ☺️ Thanks for reading! ✨

  4. Roshonda N. Blackmon | 26th Sep 17

    There’s no right time to do anything. You just do it and take the good with the bad and keep it moving. Waking up to a Grecian sunlight does sound good though, but hey….it’ll happen. My mom used to say, at first she felt bad about having us at a young age but when she realized that all of us would graduate high school before she turned 41. Honey, you couldn’t tell her nothing – while her friends were stuck with 2yr olds at that age, she was starting to live the life she gave up just to have us and what a life she lived. It gets better love, Shoot – Wish I had, had mine when I was much younger…lol. Always love your posts, although I was looking for it to come up in my reader so I could keep up, seemed to have missed this one until you liked my post today…smh. Cheers to waking up in Greece one day, as I know it will happen.

    • rudymariee | 30th Sep 17

      Love your comment! My mother in law will be retiring soon and so there will be many travel filled days in our future. People always act like life ends when you have kids. Absolutely not! My mom was like your mom and went I left for college she was 38!! Still in her prime and she loved it. Everyone’s journey is different…people wait for very valid reasons and sometimes they are forced to wait. I always just say enjoy whatever journey you’re on because that’s the one that’s made for you. Thank you for your comment! ✨

      • Roshonda N. Blackmon | 2nd Oct 17

        You are so correct my friend, every journey is different but we got to enjoy our own.

  5. K E Garland | 8th Oct 17

    Amen, my dear! One of the hardest things for people to understand is that you can live your life however you see fit. Happy (belated?) Birthday!

    • rudymariee | 8th Oct 17

      Thank you! It’s not until November…..but yes, people struggle so much with that!

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