The other day I was
talking complaining to someone about how badly we wanted to travel for my birthday; but with the kids being in school/sports and blah blah blah that was fifty shades of impossible. So the person says, “aw man! No travel for your big day?! Probably that’s why people wait so long to have kids nowadays; I guess sometimes you wish you had waited! *ha ha*”
Me: 😑 um, no. This is just one phase of our lives.
I mean I get that this person thought they were making a good natured joke, okay. But it annoyed me because it’s not the first (or even the 50th) time that someone has insinuated that we should have waited to have kids…. or even waited to be married. It’s no secret that we got married young and subsequently had kids young. But hey! Guess what! No one forced that on us. Young we were, but capable of making those decisions, we also were. Kind of. I mean when you’re 21, you think you can rule the world. Possibilities are endless and finally becoming the boss of your own life is exhilarating. It’s more than that, at least it was for me. I was high off of the “power” and it felt amazing. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to run away and get married. I wanted to get as far away from home as possible and live a fantasy with the man of my dreams. And when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. No hesitation, no qualms. I was IN LOVE. It’s been 9 years, and while it certainly has been the farthest thing from a fantasy (more like a twisted horror movie with the occasional odd comedic interjection) we have never once wished we had waited to have the kids. We often marvel at how we will still be so young when our kids are adults. We are looking forward to enjoying our grandchildren sans knee replacements and hearing aids. No shade to those that waited to have kids and will indeed be on social security when their grandkids arrive, that was just not our journey. Few things in life pan out the way we want and I can honestly say that getting married and having the children when I did are some of the few things that have actually happened in my favor. Everything else has literally been a mass of contradictory zig zagging lines with absolutely no roadmap.
Getting married and having children are such personal, individual decisions. People have so many valid reasons for waiting to start a family or even not starting them at all. There is no handbook. There is no prize at the end for “getting it right.” Hell, there’s not even a prize for managing to survive through your decisions. Why must people always foist their beliefs and opinions on others? Why are people so incredibly vocal with their opinions?! For example, people have been in our ears left and right about buying a house….every time I turn around some new well meaning person is trying to convince us to be homeowners. LISTEN, we aren’t even 30 years old yet and frankly, I rather enjoy calling someone else to handle it when one of these newfangled appliances start malfunctioning or when lighting strikes the tree next to our house and it smashes through the siding, guess what? It’s not coming out of our pocket book. Taking on a mortgage is a huge financial responsibility and it’s not one that we are quite ready for. It’s like people that have taken even a tiny interest in your life can’t stand to sit by and watch you live it in a way that doesn’t suit some invisible standard that they themselves haven’t even met yet. And the irony of it all is completely lost on them.
So, yes, I am a touch disappointed that we won’t be able to travel to Greece/Spain/Italy or wherever for my birthday. I would love to wake up on my 30th birthday bathed in Grecian sunlight secluded in a private villa. YES THE HELL I WOULD. But not this year. And maybe not next year. It’s not the end of the world and there are several more travel filled days headed my way. I see a lot of my friends traveling the world and living their best lives and I love it! But every time I see a new Facebook photo of the newly engaged couple smiling for the selfie stick atop of some coveted mountain destination, I smile smugly and think, “They still have to make it through the diaper stage.”
My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons.
Not. Your. Business.
*found on Picturequotes.com
Until next time, keep smiling.
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