What About Her Calls To You?

What about her calls to you?

Is it the way she rolls your name across her lips? The way she twists her hips? Or maybe it’s the grace with which she drops to her knees. Perhaps it’s the way she comes a running when you call? Did she make you feel like a king? Did she lick you and suck you and clean your drawers? Did you feel at ease when her body was pressed against yours? The silence pressing in on your ears….no one screaming daddy. No cries for you in the night. No one asking if you could please wash the dishes or babe, if you could just please change a diaper. Was it easier for you? Did you wake up complacent, her head between your knees? Is it the way she calls out your name? How many times did you kiss our children with her nectar still lingering on your lips? Did you think of them when you went to her? How many times did you press your body to mine-tainted with infidelity, sodden with betrayal? How many times did you inwardly utter her name while making love to me? Did you think you could hide the lies? I see them. I feel them. I sleep with them. I carry them with me. Oh you love me, you love me, you love me. When she gyrated her hips against you and beckoned you with the flick of a tongue against glossy lips, did you love me then too? I tasted the deception in your kiss. I felt the treachery dancing around the hollows in your words. Your eyes…those beautiful eyes that once scorched my skin with burning desire, those eyes that could once tell a story meant only for me. Those eyes that once beamed with the warmth of our love, our passion…those eyes are now dulled from the exhaustion of constantly playing pretend, day in, day out, wondering when you’ll see her again. Perhaps rushing through dinner under the guise of “more work,” or staying late at the office because “damn babe, there’s just SO much to do.” When did you come to mistake me for a fool? Someone easily duped and placated with empty words and fly by night promises? When did I become the other woman? Yes. You see, the moment your desire for her manifested into reality, the moment you told yourself “just one more time,” the moment you struggled with leaving her bedside to return to ours…. that is when our love ceased to be. Deceit painstakingly etched across my back. Could you have spared me the sword? Could you have spared me from playing the endless guessing game of “what did I do wrong?” Could you have spared me the hours I spent mourning you, mourning our “happy little family?” Those painful nights when your mistress lie between us, unseen and unheard but so real that I could almost feel her breathing, smell her scent. How long did she lie there with us? One month? Two? Longer? When did you invite her into our bed, our home, our supposed sanctuary? When did you taint our lives with deception and misplaced hostility? When did I become… just another one?

 

Until next time, keep smiling…

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4 COMMENTS

  1. floweringink | 15th Sep 17

    This is at once full of sorrow and rage – so beautifully written.

    • rudymariee | 15th Sep 17

      Thank you so much! 🌸

  2. K E Garland | 28th Sep 17

    This is powerful. You know I’m wondering if this is fiction or non…

    • rudymariee | 30th Sep 17

      Thank you! And a lot of people have asked me the same… 👀

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