Making Friends as an Adult….

I have no friends. Okay, that’s not true…but I definitely don’t have any friends near me. Everyone is scattered around the country and some are even in other countries. Honestly, I really only noticed how difficult friend making was (seriously, that sounds so pathetic) when we separated from the military. For whatever reason, as a military wife I was never socially lacking. Everyone knows everyone kind of thing. So when we moved away and settled into the civilian life, I sat up on the couch one day and I was just like, “I am lonely as hell.” I am not sure if I mentioned it before or not, but the way my husband’s job is set up, we don’t see him until Friday afternoons and through the weekend. So, I solo parent during the week and being the only adult in the house is lonely AF. I don’t even know anyone to call to set up playdates with. *eye roll* So, I got to thinking, short of handing out will you be my friend pamphlets to strangers, how the hell do you make friends in your thirties?

I think my age has a lot to do with it…thirty is such a complex age. People are either married with kids, finding their careers, finding themselves or still living in their mom’s basement eating Doritos and watching Dave Chapelle at 3am on a Tuesday night. My point is that we are all on different life cycles and it’s hard finding someone to link up with. I mean, it’s not a necessity to find someone that is doing the same things as you, but it can be difficult for a mom who is also a wife to chill with someone who is single and unencumbered. Not impossible, but not always practical. One of my best friends, who is a few years older than me, would always call me and ask me to go shopping or wherever. Often times, she had to wait around in my living room while I chased down toddlers and tracked down sippy cups and missing shoes before we could even get in the car. Certainly not ideal for her but she was a good friend that never complained. Not even when they both screamed bloody murder during the entire drive to Target. My husband’s schedule back then was bullshit, so it was usually just me and the kids wherever I had to go. So, now that my kids are a lot older and my husband’s schedule is much more accommodating (as in, I can make Target runs sans bickering children that have to pee every three minutes) I figured it would be easier to get out and mingle with people. NOT. I don’t even know where to find people let alone mingle with them. I think it’s such a big deal to me because I am such a social person. I complain about this to my sister, who is a major introvert, and she’s confused as to what my actual problem is. I am the one who throws the barbecues every weekend or has a Spades tournament in the garage (I can’t play spades, but I do an excellent job of sipping and watching). I want to go on girls trips, and go zip lining, and wine tasting, and shopping…hell, I just want to sit on my sofa in my flannel pajamas and gossip over ice cream and brownies.

Do I sound as whiny as I think I do? Well, good, because that’s exactly what I’m doing; I’ve granted myself permission to do so for at least another hour or so. I have been here in NC for something like 18 months and so far, I have really bonded with my nail technician and the lady at the groomers. I was reading a post somewhere on the interwebs that was talking about mingling with people at work and, I don’t know, that just seems dangerous to me. Office gossip is too real and once you invite a co-worker into your personal life, you’re no longer in control. I have always been wary of work friends becoming life friends. What do you guys think? Yay or nay for crossing the co-worker/friend line? All I know is, summer is coming and somebody better show up to my barbecue and my nail technician has to work on Saturdays.

Have any of you had this difficulty? Moved to a new area and suddenly you’re besties with Netflix? Let me know your thoughts and suggestions!

Until next time, keep smiling.

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  1. Joan | 29th Mar 17

    Hey😊. Ahhh that scenario of suddenly realising you’re lacking in the friendship area is my reality this year. I’m in my 20s and currently pursuing my masters degree. However, all my friends were international students like myself. So everyone is back in their home nations and I’m pretty much a loner. And I only get to see my friends from my home country when I return home for month. It’s a weird phase, but I’m trying to keep myself busy, hoping that when I move into a new life stage, I can somehow make new friends that I don’t have to Skype 😅

    • rudymariee | 29th Mar 17

      I am SO with you! It’s such a complex situation that I have no idea how to improve. 😩 I think as we get older we are also more wary of people around us and we definitely question people’s motives more…so it’s like, do you want to be my friend positively or are you coming to jack things up? Ugh! The struggle! But thank God for those long distance friends. Thank you so much for your comment and good luck! 🙂

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