Stop! If you haven’t read Let’s Talk About Sex Pt. 1, go check that out and meet us back here.
So now that we all realize how special and necessary sex is with our spouses, let’s talk about what do when the clothes come off. More specifically, let’s broach the subject of inhibitions. Inhibitions have no place in a marriage but that doesn’t stop them from being a frequent bed fellow. Women that have been married for years upon years still struggle with inhibitions and girl, believe me, I have had my own (overly dramatic) battle with that. No many how times my husband told me I was beautiful and sexy; it has always been hard for me accept his words. Several years ago, about a year and half into our marriage, Will had to go on a month long business trip. When he was due to return, I went out and bought a piece of ultra-sexy lingerie, a pair of spiky stilettos and I was so excited for him to see me in it. The day dawned and I brought him upstairs where I had lit one million candles. I donned my outfit, swiped on lip gloss, tousled my hair….and then I looked in the mirror. I literally burst into tears. I thought I looked so unattractive and my insecurities were raging. My poor husband…he was so concerned and after much coaxing, I finally emerged from the bathroom. Right away his arousal was, ahem, evident but even that didn’t stop me from bawling uncontrollably. You want to talk about a mood killer? Well there you have it. What could have turned into an incredible, passionate reunion instead turned into something that still makes both our cheeks burn with red with embarrassment.
Aside from the obvious damper on the evening, consider how my husband must have felt. I think we get so wrapped up in our own issues, we forget how they affect our spouses. Was he feeling rejected? Was he feeling that his reassurances weren’t good enough? A big part of being sexy, is feeling sexy and without that confidence, the sexiness is lost. We have to embrace what our bodies look like and more importantly, we need to believe what our spouse’s tell us. If your man is telling you how hot you are and if the sex is banging, why not believe him? How often do our spouses compliment us and we follow it with a blasé “yeah right” or some other off handed retort that implies disbelief? Then, when the compliments stop coming, we go whining and crying to our girlfriends like Yvette did in that car. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about! That can all be avoided if we just believe that we ARE sexy and our men DO find us appealing.
Now, I know that in the real world, all that is much easier said than done. With the constant flood of IG Models posing with the latest “get skinny quick tea,” the pressure for a picture perfect body is all too real. We see our men liking the pictures of the girls with the biggest booties and that’s cool. But at the end of the day, YOU are the one he has his arms wrapped around. You are the one he comes to at night; you are the one that he asked to be his WIFE and that trumps all the other bullshit. You are his Queen and you must act as such. When he tells you how sexy you are, don’t be afraid to sashay a little extra. If he wants to make love to you in the middle of the day, don’t draw the blinds and try to cover your body. Don’t lament about how you “don’t want him to watch you.” No honey, let him watch! Revel in the empowering knowledge that your husband wants to see you in all your naked glory. Bask in that oh so gratifying feeling of being desired by the man you love and watch your marriage (and your sex life) transform. Strut like the goddess you are and above all else, remember that you are incredible and you are beautiful.
Until next time, keep smiling.
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