Let’s Talk about Sex and Marriage pt. 1

*this post contains some very adult language.*

SEX! Why don’t more married people have sex?! When I was about 25, I was at a Pampered Chef party and the conversation inevitably changed from which ladles were the most effective to much more palatable conversation. The woman there were mixed ages…I would say from probably 19-35. I know that’s a hell of a variation but on a military base, age wasn’t a factor in making friendships. Generally, we were all pretty happy for the opportunity to bond with someone besides our husbands. Anyway, as most conversations between adult (or adult-ish) women tend to, we shifted to discussing sex and who was hosting the next Pure Romance party. I was mainly just listening and then people started sharing about how often they bumped nasties. Now, before I divulge that information, let me preface it my saying that I love sex. After eleven years with the same man, I am STILL in love with the D. So imagine my surprise when a bunch of grown ass women were declaring not only how little they get intimate with their husbands but how little they desired to. By that point I had only been married about 3 or 4 years so I was far from an expert…but there were women there that were even younger than I was who were expressing extreme disinterest in having sex at all. They almost sounded like it was a chore and they were annoyed that their husbands were seeking out sex with them.

Through the years I have encountered a lot more women and it’s definitely not everyone that is not interested in sex, but the amount of women I have met that complain when their husbands want to make love to them is alarming. My reply is always, always the same…”Girl, go home and f*** your husband before someone else does.” Lack of sex is NOT an excuse for infidelity and I am certainly not implying that every sexless marriage ends up with a straying spouse but it would be childish to pretend that it is not a contributing factor. Men are sexual beings and quite often express themselves physically rather than verbally. There have been plenty of moments when my husband hasn’t been able to find the right words to communicate with me…but when he pushes me up against a wall, I know exactly what he is trying to say. This is because we have taken the time to build that physical bond and we are so attuned to each other’s bodies that often times, no words are necessary. Sex is about so much more than just the act; it’s about the intimacy, the kind of closeness that can only be felt during the connection of your bodies. Sex is about building a physical and emotional bond with your spouse; it is a way to say “I love you.” Sex is a powerful connection that brings together more than just the physical side of one other; it entwines your spiritual beings in an ethereal way that almost seems intangible. Sex is such a necessary component in a marriage and any opportunity to feel closer to your spouse should not be taken for granted or ignored. When your man seeks you out, do not turn him away. He wants to make love to you, he wants to feel your body next to his and frankly, that is the sexiest feeling. It makes me feel powerful and desirable to know that my man craves my body.  Invest in your marriage and the benefits are unparalled. Now, go home and f*** your husband.

Until next time…keep smiling.

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