Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be….

You have the perfect marriage…I am so jealous!!!!

People in my life are constantly asking me how Will and I are so happy. I would go so far as to say that people idolize our marriage. I am the first one to tell people that marriage is NOT all roses and passionate sex sessions. To the contrary my friends….marriage is WORK. After almost eight years, (on the 31st..eeek!) I can tell you first hand that shit can get crazy real quick….and it can stay crazy if you don’t address the issue. We have always kept our business private and that’s my first piece of advice….keep people out of your business. People mean well but 9/10 their advice is biased. They don’t live with you, they don’t know the dynamics of your relationship. They are going to give you some one sided advice that is generally unhelpful. If your spouse has done something to hurt you, STOP and ask yourself, “Am I going to take him back?” And be honest with yourself. If there is even the slightest chance of repairing your relationship, do not waste time telling anyone what happened. What I want people to understand is that your friends and family do not love that man…they love YOU. You might be ready to take him back and forgive him because you love him and that’s fine…but don’t expect other people to forgive him too. They witnessed your hurt, saw your tears and felt your pain. In their eyes, your boo was the one responsible for that and let’s be real, how many of us our willing to forgive those that hurt our loved ones? So you may be feeling all jazzed up to have your man back, but do not get upset when everyone around you is serving major shade at the next family function.

People get too caught up in the Instagram version of life. Of course I am going to post the best version of us to the public! That doesn’t make our marriage perfect. And before you all go calling the tabloids, I am in no way saying that we do not have an incredible marriage….because we do. My husband is made of something that I could never have even dreamed of and we share an amazing life together. What I am saying is, what we have is not something to be idolized. It is not perfect and we are learning more about each other every single day.

Our first year of marriage was full of emotional upsets, hurt feelings and wounded egos. We were two very young people trying to not only learn who we were as individuals, but also learn each other. And that was hard. The fights we had were worthy of reality television and there were countless times that I barricaded myself in our room and cried and screamed until my throat was raw. Glasses were thrown, hateful words were spewed and too many times I wondered what the hell I was doing married. How many days did I long to be back home in the safety and comfort of my mommy’s house? How many times did I research bus ticket fare and how many times did I actually pack a bag? How many times did I want out? How many “I hate yous” did my husband have to endure? The truth is, there are too many times to count. But, I never left. The best thing my mother ever told me was, “You married that man for a reason and it is your job to stay and find out what that reason is.” So I stayed. Though the pain, the sleepless nights, the shouting matches followed by fiery love making-I stayed. And slowly, but surely, I uncovered the reason why I was in love with him. We found our rhythm and we learned how to work together. It was the most empowering feeling in the world. Looking back, I blame our inexperience at being adults as the culprit of our tumultuous year but I am also so thankful for it. I learned more about myself in that year than I could ever have expected and even though it was far from easy, I would not change one single thing about it. It laid the foundation for the incredible bond that we have right now and I am forever grateful to be able to call him mine.

So is our marriage perfect? Nope. But it sure as hell is for me.

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  1. K E Garland | 1st Feb 17

    This is absolutely true! Happy belated Anniversary!

    • rudymariee | 1st Feb 17

      Thank you!!

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